WE are talking more openly about the challenges, and wonders, of menopause – a profound time for women. Yet the voices of those struggling through the turbulence of perimenopause are eerily quiet. The physical, psychological, cognitive and emotional changes can be erratic and confusing. In my private practice I witness women’s emotional and psychological suffering along with the tensions this contributes to between couples.
As hormone levels fluctuate, women experience a range of symptoms, which individually don’t necessarily indicate perimenopause. Many suffer for months and years before receiving appropriate guidance. Reduced libido; weight gain; disrupted sleep; night sweats; low energy; forgetfulness; anxiety; and changeable moods, all wreak havoc on wellbeing and daily life.
In my practice, women share their feelings of overwhelming sadness, low tolerance and intense anger they say often comes without an obvious source. They share difficulties with intimacy as libido plummets and mismatched desire destabilises intimate relationships. Some describe feeling like foreigners in their own bodies as changes to energy, shape and desire oscillate wildly. Many feel a ‘deep unsettling’ as emotions surface haphazardly and they feel out of control.
“If you have never been called a defiant, incorrigible,
impossible woman…have faith.
There is yet time”
Clarissa Pinkola Estes
Perimenopause can also be a liberating time as women transition from measuring against external expectations and begin to love who they are from within. Many experience surges of creativity as they operate from a deeper, soulful inner source. Many let go of the “nice girl” mask as they move from “others’ needs” towards prioritising their own.
While medicine, natural therapies and lifestyle changes support the physical body, speaking openly provides the psychosocial support women need during this time. When we share our experiences, we crush stigma and shame many women face; we give one another permission to speak up; and we offer the men in our lives the opportunity to understand how perimenopause destabilises us. This fosters compassion and understanding between couples.
If you are on the wild ride of perimenopause, honour your experience wholeheartedly and start a conversation.
Sharlene is a Holistic Somatic Counsellor & Couples Therapist in St Ives. You can find her at www.thebarefoottherapist.com.au
